The Nosferatu Adventures s12 p15

The Nosferatu Adventures
page 315, chapter 315

Pangs of Glory

They continued to walk through the empty mall, our heroine still wondering if she should be pissed off at Seward or flattered that he was trying to play matchmaker?

"Wait 'em second. So he's not gay?" she shook her head stopping once again, this time in front of the expensive make-up store. The display featuring a two foot poster of a woman in deep charcoal coloured eye shadow and sparkles over her cheeks and lips; the headline reading You'll make your wildest dreams come true with our Fairy Dust. Little pots of the powder sat piled under the poster shaped like cartoon fairies. Only they looked smooshed, flattened like roadkill.

"You thought Edric was gay?" Seward asked the smile and good humour still glowing in his eyes. Our heroine said nothing as she stood there waiting for him to answer her. "Like I said, Edric has been crushing on you for a really long time..."

"It's just, when a man's that hot..." our heroine sighed continuing on down the empty mall, her foot steps echoing as she did.

"You've never seen him strung out depressed after a break up, all..." Seward let his arms turn into a windmill as he moved the few steps to catch up with her. "...blotchy cry eyed and having spent a week eating nothing but Poutine and pie, and drinking himself into oblivion, his hair gross with not being washed for a week, and the beer butt..."

"You mean gut don't you?"

"No, I mean butt." Seward puffed out his cheeks a little slapping his own rear. "Everything goes right to that guy's arse."

"I no longer know if you're still trying to sell me on the idea of him or put me off it?"

"Sell you on him. Definitely. Just pointing out that he's not that hot." Seward shrugged dragging out the word. "Just a guy under all that pretty. He poops like everyone else."

"Yeah, thanks for that visual." our heroine said waving her hand near her temples. "I didn't really need to think of anyone that way."

Seward looked up to see the book store lights were on. Telling Nosferatu to wait, he checked out the store.  One of the display tables had been knocked over, spilling a stack of books. Bending to pick them up, he half glanced at the fact they were metaphysics text books, the cover looking like a giant crystal with coloured dots marking off a prism shape. "Hello?" he continued on towards the back of the book store, spotting a bit of light coming from the stock room. Satisfied that the store was in deed empty, Seward returned to where he'd left our heroine.  She had moved on towards another store and was staring at the window display. A bunch of stuffed animals were hanging by threads over a large blow up pool. A little fuzzy grey bat seemed to be about to fall off it's thread, having been hung uneven, and with the breeze from the air conditioning, it swayed just a little too close to the little red fox and white wolf, who were positioned nearest an evergreen tree.  

"Does that look wrong to you?" she asked her fingertip tapping on the glass window, pointing just above the fox and wolf.

"No. Same display they've had all week. No one's touched it."

"No I just mean the fox and wolf being too close...never mind. I don't know what I was thinking?" her voice trailed off slightly as she let out another sigh. "I don't think I'm up for this. Meeting Edric, I mean."

"No no you are! You totally are!" the younger male said eyes suddenly wide hands out once again as if holding up an invisible wall. "I'm sorry, okay, I didn't mean to gross you out with the poop comment..."

"Ah sweetie, it's not that. I just mean...he's..." she tapped the window again without thinking before looking up at the stuffed bat. "...and I'm..." she could tell by the fact Seward's expression hadn't changed that he wasn't listening to her. "Here." she said grabbing him by the elbow and leading him towards yet another store on the other side of the hallway. Stopping in front of the men's clothing store, she shoved Seward towards the mannequin dressed in a tux. "Edric right." she continued, passing another two stores before reaching the lingerie store. She pointed towards the plain white cotton underwear in the clearance bin. "Me." she dipped her hand into the chaos of price tags and material pulling out a handful. "Not a bit of frilly or flash. Understand now?"

"Um...if I say no will you continue to try to explain by taking me over to the lacy frilly pink see-through...and...I'll shut up now."


Tune in again for another installment of the Nosferatu Adventures starring your heroine...me(straight up story. Remember, they are standing in Edric's blindspot.)